The Definition of "Wife Material"

​     We hear the term thrown out quite often as it relates to the requirements of a wife, but what exactly qualifies a woman to be considered "wife material?" To be honest, it depends who you ask. The Stephon of 2012 would've told you that she had to be smart, sexy, and look a certain way. Her hair would have to be a specific length, eyes and skin tone a particular color, and she would have to have just enough attitude to keep me on my toes but not too much that it would become annoying. Her waist would need to be a particular size, her breast and hind-parts a desired look and feel, and she would have to have at least a four pack in the mid section. But the fact of the matter is that I had met several women who fit that description. From the time I began college, through the 6th year of my bachelor life in Los Angeles (the peak of my sex life, which occurred over a 12 year period), I had encountered many women who met every physical and sexual requirement known to MAN... they even had great personalities and nice feet.

Some were smart, others could cook, several grew up in church.. overall, these were all good women. And according to my "list" of requirements, they had qualities that would deem them worthy of the "wife material" badge. But for some reason I had not made any of them my wife (I rarely made them girlfriends). Why is that? Maybe it was the thought that, no matter how good she was, there would always be another woman somewhere that could do it better. Or maybe it was the fact that after a sexual encounter had taken place, my sole purpose in the relationship was to create subsequent encounters... and if she dared to ask more of me (i.e. quality time, a "real date", or hanging out in the daytime in public for some strange reason) I was on to the next. Perhaps it was the fear that the moment I decided to settle down, I would run into the baddest chick on the planet soon thereafter... and not be available. Maybe it was all of the above, who knows? The point is, I had met plenty of good women, but never made an effort to take it to the next level.


     After some time of self-reflection, I realized that my hesitancy to even CONSIDER taking the next step with these women came down to one thing: I didn't care about getting to know them as people, once I'd gotten to know them as sex partners. The concept seemed foreign to me. Why would I go on a date with you after I've accomplished the end goal? I'm sure athletes don't go to practice the day after winning the championship. Nor do students study for a test the day after they've aced it. Why go backwards, when life is about forward progress? I had answers for every woman who tried to get more out of me: "Oh, you wanna go to the movies, I'm two steps ahead of you... come over here and get this Netflix." Or "You wanna go to dinner? You read my mind, girl.. I just cooked and I saved you some. Come get this plate." Don't get me wrong, I was still a good guy. My motives were just different after the sex had taken place. The panties took priority over everything else pertaining to that woman. I didn't have time for small talk. My mentality was "come over now, or I'll text someone who will."

     Fast forward to 2014, and here I am ring shopping. I was preparing to propose to a woman that I had only been dating for six months (which included public/daytime action). What's even more bogus is that we had never had sex; an activity that was EXTREMELY high on the "list" at one point. How is it that the one woman I never even tried to have sex with, ended up being the one with whom I was ridiculously in love? Is it possible that, with sex out of the equation, I was able to see the value in her as a person as opposed to a sexual object? Precisely. Choosing not to have sex with Christina enabled me to connect with her on a level I had yet to experience. Yes, she was smart, sexy, and gorgeous as all get out. But I was able to acknowledge her gifts, as well as her beauty. I fell in love with her compassion for people. I admired her love for God. I experienced her nurturing spirit during times of pain and grief. I received her encouragement and prayer on a daily basis. She embodied the type of qualities that every man needs in a wife; qualities I never would've seen, had I allowed my man whore mentality of years past to cloud my vision. Taking the same approach from back in the day (3 years ago) would've resulted in my missing out on the happiness, peace, and contentment that I now possess. In retrospect, the qualities I was able to recognize in Christina were the ones I should have looked for from day one. These qualities actually proved to be epitome of  "wife material."

-Stephon Chaney   

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