First off, there's a difference between being celibate, and going through a "dry spell." Whenever I would experience a dry spell (period of time without getting any), it wasn't due to lack of effort by any means. I was still seeking the action, just falling short. That said, celibacy is not only the act of abstaining from sex, but more so the intention to do so on purpose.
"Why would any man in his right mind CHOOSE not to have sex?"
For me, it was a matter of taking a self assessment. After partying my face off for YEARS in Los Angeles, I looked up and found myself in an interesting place; the same place I had been in for the past 5 years. Yes, I was partying with the best of them, and kept a candidate for Instagram's next top model in my bedroom, but I was not prospering at anything else. My mission had become making money, partying, and bringing random women home; and if I could do that on a consistent basis, I was "winning." But after a while, the partying and sex began to affect the "making money" part. It makes sense because pursuing random sex meant that I had to be in the right places, at the right time, with the right amount of alcohol in my system... as much as possible. It was a numbers game. So I was out late... A LOT. Being in party mode on Sunday night would take precedence over being in work mode first thing Monday morning, and you can imagine the type of domino effect that would cause. The long and short of it is that my pursuit of sex was clearly the root of all of my issues, so I had to attack the root if I was going to see change in my life.
"How does one go from getting it on a regular basis, to not at all?"
I wish I could say it was easy... but I can't. Turning sex down, when it once was the only thing that motivated me was tough. The old me would have tap danced for it if I had to. And now I'm turning it down? How? Well, the first step was prayer (daily). I asked God to help me resist the temptation, and what did He do? He allowed me to encounter opportunities to resist. Yep! The women who seemed to go into hibernation during my dry spell moments, all of a sudden were ready to party AS SOON AS I DECIDED TO BE CELIBATE. It felt like I was being Punk'd by God. I mean, I'm talking about random text messages at "booty call hours", random pics and VIDEOS being sent to my phone, random drop-ins, you name it! Honestly speaking, part of me was like "sheesh, where were you like 2 weeks ago," but I had to check myself. These encounters opened my eyes to the fact that I needed to remove myself from the people, places, and things that would tempt me (and we all know our triggers). This also meant avoiding internet/mobile device porn (crazy how accessible it is). Had I continued to feed the desire through porn, there would have only been a matter of time before it evolved... and that evolution would've led to me doing the no pants dance with a random, or not so random woman. Subsequently, alcohol, club environments, and previous sex partners had to be cut off. And the reason is simple: when I took sex out of the equation, those things served no purpose.
"But what if you wait until marriage, and the sex is wack?"
To be honest, this was one of my greatest fears in the beginning. How will I know I should marry my future wife, if I don't know what the sex is like? But if I was serious about doing things God's way (and I was), I had to trust Him with everything... including my future sex life. So I did. And let me tell you something about how my God works... He knows what I want, need, like, gotta have, and how often I need to like and gotta have it, you understand?! God knows me better than I do, and he proved it! He sent me EXACTLY what I needed in a wife, best friend, and wrestling partner. Long story short... I tried it His way, and it worked. And it's STILL working. EVERY NIGHT, it's working! Ok, I'm done. Y'all be blessed. Gotta go!
- Stephon Chaney