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The Definition of "Wife Material"

10/26/2015

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​     We hear the term thrown out quite often as it relates to the requirements of a wife, but what exactly qualifies a woman to be considered "wife material?" To be honest, it depends who you ask. The Stephon of 2012 would've told you that she had to be smart, sexy, and look a certain way. Her hair would have to be a specific length, eyes and skin tone a particular color, and she would have to have just enough attitude to keep me on my toes but not too much that it would become annoying. Her waist would need to be a particular size, her breast and hind-parts a desired look and feel, and she would have to have at least a four pack in the mid section. But the fact of the matter is that I had met several women who fit that description. From the time I began college, through the 6th year of my bachelor life in Los Angeles (the peak of my sex life, which occurred over a 12 year period), I had encountered many women who met every physical and sexual requirement known to MAN... they even had great personalities and nice feet.

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Sex: Then vs. Now

10/16/2015

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First off, there's a difference between being celibate, and going through a "dry spell." Whenever I would experience a dry spell (period of time without getting any), it wasn't due to lack of effort by any means. I was still seeking the action, just falling short.  That said, celibacy is not only the act of abstaining from sex, but more so the intention to do so on purpose.
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To Sex... or Not to Sex

10/16/2015

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"So, the two of you've never had sex? Why are you waiting? What if it's bad? What if he's small?" These were the popular inquiries during my time of celibacy while dating Stephon. Of course, any person in their right mind would ask these questions. After all, everyone has sex with their significant other... And anyone who doesn't is just another religious freak who condemns everyone and judges everything, right??? WRONG! I too once felt the same way (after all, I was a sexual person who believed in being intimate with someone I cared for). But if this was even half true, then our bodies can be compared to casual dine-in restaurants: You go in, feed your flesh,, and then leave. Don't forget about the "we have a right to refuse service to anyone" sign. I'm sorry but my body, also know as a temple according to the bible, is of more value than that. I had to step out of what I thought I knew, and see myself from a different perspective. My decision to become celibate (absolutely no sexual contact whatsoever) happened long before I met my husband.. I'm reminded of past relationships that led up to my decision, I would find myself pursuing men, when they clearly had commitment phobia. Why did I do that? Why was I rsvping to heartbreak at club deja vu? 

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How a "Player" Got Hitched

10/8/2015

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For as long as I can remember, my views on marriage have been less than favorable. But I'm not sure exactly how my perspective had become so negative. Was it my parents' divorce, which separated my family at the age of 9? Or was is when I learned that influential people in my life were having extramarital affairs? Maybe it was the constant reminder of the astronomical divorce rates, and that men would be required to relinquish half of their assets when the inevitable occurs. Yeah, that'll do it! "Miss me with the marriage talk" became my mantra. A lifestyle of spontaneity became my norm. Monogamous relationships were few and far between, and even those were short-lived. Random women were fun, girlfriends were boring. I was living in LA, for crying out loud... the place that every former prom queen, pageant/talent show winner, cheer leading captain, and Instagram model calls home. And my mind was made up that I would spend the best years of my life taking advantage of every opportunity. 

Now fast forward a few years to April 19, 2015, and here I am at the alter... at my wedding. WHAT?! Mr. "why would I settle for one, when I can have as many as I want?" was about to tie the knot? Yes, and I was excited about it!  But WHY?! If anyone would've told me that I'd be getting married at all, let alone before the age of 50, I would've politely asked them to pour me a double shot of whatever they were drinking. So HOW had this become my reality? As I waited for my bride to enter, which seemingly took forever (it was only 10 minutes), I reflected over the what, the why, and how I intentionally found myself at the alter.

WHAT happened to cause such drastic change?
My standing at the alter was the direct result of a lifestyle change that I decided to make. But I'll be the first to admit that I didn't just wake up one day and say "OK, let's do this righteous living thing... that sounds fun!" Negative. A more accurate depiction of my new journey would begin with me lying flat on my back, in a hole which was dug by my own actions, with no other choice but to look up. Long story short: alcohol, car keys, and the mere thought of having sex with a strange woman is a dangerous combination... but it was a risk that I would often take. The latest incident could've cost me my life, however. I'm just thankful that God had other plans. I decided, at that moment, to make a conscious effort to do things differently. 

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The Day Every Girl Dreams of, and How I Got There

10/8/2015

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As the sun bled through the blinds, this sublime and immeasurable joy entered my heart. In 8 hours, I was going to marry the man of my destiny. I use the word destiny instead of dreams because I believe this was something already written in "Christina's Life" book. The peace that followed the joy was inexplicable. I started replaying my "Journey of Singleness" in my mind, just to continue to give thanks to God. Knowing the life I led to the life I now lead are polar opposites, I can expect more amazing things to come into my path because of the sacrifices I have made. Let me give you a little back story. I've dated in LA, Miami, and New York. The 3 most influential cities in our nation, if not the world, and man have I encountered some fools and follies. I've had my heart broken (more than once) because I wore it on my sleeve like an ornament made of glass. I didn't realize that over time and with every encounter, I would feel less like myself. I was operating only in my flesh, and had adopted this new age philosophy everyone was trying; women having sex without any expectations, emotions, or heart. The physical pleasure that I was seeking ultimately left me dead inside (you may as well call it necrophilia). 


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