How a "Player" Got Hitched

For as long as I can remember, my views on marriage have been less than favorable. But I'm not sure exactly how my perspective had become so negative. Was it my parents' divorce, which separated my family at the age of 9? Or was is when I learned that influential people in my life were having extramarital affairs? Maybe it was the constant reminder of the astronomical divorce rates, and that men would be required to relinquish half of their assets when the inevitable occurs. Yeah, that'll do it! "Miss me with the marriage talk" became my mantra. A lifestyle of spontaneity became my norm. Monogamous relationships were few and far between, and even those were short-lived. Random women were fun, girlfriends were boring. I was living in LA, for crying out loud... the place that every former prom queen, pageant/talent show winner, cheer leading captain, and Instagram model calls home. And my mind was made up that I would spend the best years of my life taking advantage of every opportunity. 

Now fast forward a few years to April 19, 2015, and here I am at the alter... at my wedding. WHAT?! Mr. "why would I settle for one, when I can have as many as I want?" was about to tie the knot? Yes, and I was excited about it!  But WHY?! If anyone would've told me that I'd be getting married at all, let alone before the age of 50, I would've politely asked them to pour me a double shot of whatever they were drinking. So HOW had this become my reality? As I waited for my bride to enter, which seemingly took forever (it was only 10 minutes), I reflected over the what, the why, and how I intentionally found myself at the alter.

WHAT happened to cause such drastic change?
My standing at the alter was the direct result of a lifestyle change that I decided to make. But I'll be the first to admit that I didn't just wake up one day and say "OK, let's do this righteous living thing... that sounds fun!" Negative. A more accurate depiction of my new journey would begin with me lying flat on my back, in a hole which was dug by my own actions, with no other choice but to look up. Long story short: alcohol, car keys, and the mere thought of having sex with a strange woman is a dangerous combination... but it was a risk that I would often take. The latest incident could've cost me my life, however. I'm just thankful that God had other plans. I decided, at that moment, to make a conscious effort to do things differently. 

WHY Christina? 
The aforementioned lifestyle change had somewhat of a ripple effect. I met Christina at a place where the "old me" would have NEVER gone. I was attending a charity event (which was being promoted through my church, of all places), supporting a good cause, and was completely sober. Yes, this was the first time I had gone out without drinking my face off... and this is key because had I been intoxicated, Christina would've seen right through my motives and our exchange would've been a simple "hi and bye". But there was a certain peace that came with my ability to be my authentic self, which allowed me to make genuine connections, and I ended up having the best time of my life that night. The decision to clean up my act necessitated a new environment, which would include new sources of entertainment, which exposed me to a completely different community of people, which ultimately led me to my wife (crazy how I only had taken one step in a new direction, and immediately met my wife right?). I would later find out that this event was also a change of pace for her, which means we were both at the same place. And even though we didn't start dating until 6 months later, a pure foundation had been established and would remain intact.

HOW did I make the transition from manwhore to husband material? 
The NUMBER ONE contributing factor in making this transition possible was (wait for it.......) celibacy. Christina and I had both made a commitment to remain celibate until marriage (prior to dating), and that decision paid dividends. Not having sex actually expedited our dating/courting/engagement process. Think about it. What man has time to sit around "dating" a beautiful woman for 5 years without having sex with her? Not me! So that means every moment spent together was critical. And because there were no hidden agendas, I was able to really get to know Christina. I was able to fall in love with her for who she was, as opposed to what she was doing for me physically. Celibacy enabled me to see past Christina's physical attributes (and she's hot as fish grease, by the way), to identify the qualities I find to be essential in a wife: kindheartedness, selflessness, compassion for others, and love for God. 

So as my bride made her way down the aisle, I knew for a fact that I was right where I was supposed to be. And the best part is, that was only the beginning.

​-Stephon Chaney

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