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By Christina Chaney  Just when I think I’ve achieved the “gold status” of my wifely duties, a new challenge is presented with each passing day ready to put my self proclaimed repute to the test. The first two years held all sorts of challenges from merging finances, several moves and our first child, to name a few. Frequent feelings of frustration, irritability, and offense seemed to become my new norm. How could that be? Most women dream of the day that they get to become wives and mothers and live happily ever after, right? There I was, a woman who seemingly had it all, yet living in my new reality was an entirely different anecdote.
Take note that this read is about my experience adjusting from singleness to wedded life to parenthood and the feelings thereof. By no means, is this blog supposed to frighten you or place a bad taste in your mouth when it comes to this level of commitment. My husband and I are very transparent people who hope that our life experiences will affect real change in others lives…do read on! This blog is primarily focused on the emotions that take place in the early years of marriage, regardless of your age or circumstantial experiences. Let’s start with the facts: You were single until you weren’t. Everything you’ve ever known to be true is immediately tested following your vow “until death due us part”. Every force that is anti you, targets every beautiful word of life that is spoken over you or that you speak over yourself. Marriage is like two ideologies at war with the other. The bickering and arguments seem to become more frequent, usually over little things. Forget about your independence, you’ve now become a “We” and no longer an “I”. Those quick trips for a cup of coffee or dining at your favorite restaurant, have now required you to submit your habits to consideration. It’s easier said than done, because old habits really do die hard! Which brings me to the nucleus of this blog. I wish I had known about this onset dilema, it would’ve really helped me navigate some of the issues my husband and I have faced early on in marriage. But I am grateful for the Spirit that is Holy, guiding us through our every conflict. Once you enter a marriage, the “Happily Ever After” fairytale is immediately swapped for the reality of “Grieving your Singleness”. Your mind, which has been operating on “self-mode”, is now hijacked to operate in consideration of another person. You are no longer #1, but rather two becoming one with the hopes of functioning in blissful synchrony. Don’t feel bad if you are experiencing all of the vehemences I’ve mentioned above. They are quite normal. You and your spouse are headed in a direction that is like moving against gravity. And you yourself, are experiencing the evolution of you. The forces at work in this world are using every platform and person to pull you down and away from the knowledge of God and His principles. After all, God created marriage. If you want it to be everything you’ve hoped for, you will need Him to be in the center of it. Because of Jesus, Stephon and I are able to make it through every challenge with precision and intentionality. Through His supernatural love, we are able to exercise patience with one another during difficult moments, never disrespecting each other with our words or actions, taking each trying moment as a lesson learned rather than an undoing. The grieving period of your former years, or should I say your former ways, will go by a lot quicker once you recognize what it is. Trust me when I tell you to “put God at the center”… because this girl, once a “headstrong, impatient, don’t rely on anybody; not even your husband” type, has become a “Happily Married We”. After you’ve embraced the passing away of a quondam life, you will unveil the bona fide journey of marriage.
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By Stephon Chaney  One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in marriage is the importance of effective communication. It’s a fundamental necessity that can determine the difference between experiencing a thriving relationship, or one where both parties are merely going through the motions. But while many of us have heard that “communication is key” as it relates to successful marriages, we seldom hear the harsh reality that communication is a multi-layered equation that can never be solved. The reason it can never be solved is because the husband and wife – if they’re human – are always evolving. Therefore, effective communication in marriage is not something that is finite, but rather a mutual study and adaptation that is forever ongoing between husband and wife.
By Christina Chaney  "Hey Luke's Mom" is often how I am greeted these days. Or sometimes people skip me altogether and go straight for Luke. Who can blame them right? He is the cutest baby you've ever seen (call me bias). But come on… has the person formerly known as Christina left the planet, now being replaced with someone by the name of "Luke's Mom"? Don't get me wrong, I love being mom. It has changed my life for the better in so many ways. But prior to having my son, my biggest fear was childbirth. Hearing scary stories from the women around and how writers portray it in films added to that fear. Fast forward to now, my greatest fear is leaving this earth without maximizing my potential.
By Stephon Chaney  The idea of becoming a father can be extremely intimidating. Yes, it's very exciting to find out that your wife is expecting (even if she informs you via text message), but for me that initial excitement lasted all of 5 minutes. After praying to God for my first born to be a boy, I immediately began to convince myself that I wasn't ready to take on the responsibilities of fatherhood, I even provided supporting arguments as to why I was not qualified. I pointed out areas in my professional life that had yet to fully develop into anything suitable for a father; one that would be responsible for financially supporting a growing family. I emphasized the fact that I was nowhere close to purchasing my dream home; one sufficient enough to comfortably house that growing family. I thought about extravagant vacations that Christina and I had planned to take, and that we would soon be required to factor in the existence of another human being prior to actually being able to go. I constantly reminded myself of everything that was lacking, which led to more thoughts of inadequacy and doubt. What's interesting is that several first time fathers that I speak with can relate to this experience. The good news is that I now have a new perspective, having completed a full year of fatherhood. My son, Luke, is now a thriving 1 year old and I had a little something to do with that! Simply put, at some point over the past year I found my New Dad Swag, and I've outlined a few tips that might help you in finding yours.
By Christina ChaneyMy husband and I initially planned on waiting at least 4 years before we brought a baby into the world. We wanted to be at a certain level of success in our careers, having reached certain goals, and traveled to a number of countries. Most of all, we wanted to simply enjoy life as a married couple; just the two of us. .
 By Christina Chaney
The Bible mentions that marriage is sacred, but it wasn't until recently that I actually understood the significance of that statement.. In the first year of my marriage, I learned a lot about myself (the good parts and the not so good parts). I will admit that the world had influenced my view on marriage by means of its fairytale depiction. You get engaged, have an extravagant wedding, a romantic honeymoon, lots of babies, and you live happily ever after. Then, in fine print, it suggests that you should resort to divorce at the first sign of trouble. Well, God shut all that down during my time of consecration, and later exposed to me the truths about marriage…and He started with my honeymoon. By Stephon Chaney When I share with people the expedited timeframe in which Christina and I were able to go from dating to marriage, and that it was celibacy that propelled us, they tend to look at me like I'm crazy. But coming from my previous lifestyle (that of a manwhore), I understand COMPLETELY how absurd that statement may sound. In fact, I recall a time when I first heard a similar story. Back in February of 2013 (the day before Valentine's Day/Single Awareness Day) I decided to visit what I thought would be "mid-week bible study" at One Church LA. Surprisingly, I walked into a packed house of young people who were seemingly too excited to be in church on a Wednesday night (at least the type of "church" I was accustomed to). As it turned out, in addition to taking part in mid-week service, everyone had gathered to hear DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good provide insight on their journey to marriage.   By Stephon Chaney
It’s common to hear single women accuse men of being “afraid of commitment”, and three years ago I would’ve agreed with the notion. On second thought, I would’ve argued that I wasn’t “afraid” of commitment... I just didn’t want it. After all, what dude wants to be stuck with the same woman forever? Why be locked down when a man can have as many women, as often as he likes? But as I revisit this discussion from a renewed perspective, I must admit that my viewpoint was inaccurate. Here’s why… One definition of commitment is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.” When you put it that way, I was committed to MANY things. So “commitment” itself wasn’t the problem. This definition reveals that there are two parts to the equation: 1. the dedication component, and 2. the entity to which I am devoting that dedication. Understanding the definition of commitment helped me get to the root of why I had such a negative outlook on long term relationships. By Christina Chaney  I used to turn to pop culture magazines or romantic movies for my daily bread, reading and watching as I filled myself with its empty substance. I thought that with the help of gossip columnists, I could be delivered from bad breakups or gain wisdom on how to attract the right man. Little did I know, those influences would dictate my every move. I've come to learn that we not only digest through our mouths, but through our eyes and ears as well. Our physical health for instance, is a result of our diet and exercise (or genetics for the blessed and highly favored); while our spiritual health is a direct reflection of what we read, listen to, and with whom we surround ourselves.
When I was parlaying in the world, it seemed so difficult to get out of the "live fast" lifestyle. After all, I was partying with the rich and famous, dating the eligible bachelors, and wearing the latest fashions. Living for Christ was the last thing on my mind... By Christina Chaney  Are you instagram stalking someone? Checking your phone every five seconds for text message updates, or deleting a guy's number just to keep yourself from calling him? Did your heart just skip after reading those questions? I've got news for you... It's time to let go and let God! You've been waiting all day (if not all week) to hear from a guy you really like (or slept with) and as soon as you're preparing for bed, your phone goes off with a text message from him. You're excited, yet at the same time you cant help but wonder, ''Is this a booty call?" Then, you lie to yourself... "I'm just going to go over there and 'talk'." I don't know about you, but I have put myself in that type of situation time and time again. Simply put, It never ends well.
When I was single, I was extremely picky. If I encountered a man who met all of my criteria, |